A Modern Day Jeremiah

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; 
      Before you were born I sanctified you; 
      I ordained you a prophet to the nations.” 
                Jeremiah 1:5 NKJV


Keeps playing over and over in my head. Sitting in Panera Bread I found myself drowning in my own thoughts. I asked my mother, "How come everybody else goes through this in their 20's and 30's? I'm only 19, why do I have to go through these things now? She replied, "Because God wants you to give that control that you love so much to Him." 
  When I was a little girl I had dreams of being a preacher or a missionary. Then I wanted to be a professional cheerleader, then a singer, actress, sports broadcaster, sports agent, and finally an entrepreneur (Talk about all over the place). I just wanted to be famous. I wanted my name to be in lights. I just knew that I was supposed to be somebody important! 
 When I was 12 years old at summer camp a minister came and he prophesied to me that, "With my voice I would touch thousands. I have a gift." Now this was in the time where I wanted to be a singer so I just knew I was going to be singing to a packed audience.
 That wasn't what God had planned for me either. When I was going to the 10th grade I started hanging out with some of the wrong people. You know when you're young you just wanna do what everybody around you is doing...go wherever they go, and say whatever they say. But at night when I lay in my bed, guilt would set in. I knew I shouldn't have been doing some of the things that I did but at the time I just wanted to be 15. I knew I was different. 
 When I started going to the church I attend now, "Life Changers Christian Fellowship", That was the first time I felt God. I knew he was there, I knew that I was supposed to be there. I joined that day. When I went up with my mother to join that was the first time anybody had ever prayed for me. You know you, you see it on TV when they pray for the people and they are immediately slain and fall to the ground, I didn't want that to be me. lol. So I had it made up in my mind that no matter how hard they prayed for me I wasn't going to fall. Just as I lifted my hands, I and hit the floor. I began to holler out and cry out to God. At that moment my spirit was stronger than my flesh. I guess we were just tired. And let me tell you, I still try and fix myself to say, "I'm not going in there and falling out today. I'm tired." Every time, I find myself laid right on out lol.
 The older I got the more it seemed like the will of God and the world was at a tug of war. I knew that God wanted me. I knew that I was suppose to lead teenagers and young girls to Him. But I didn't think I was ready. I was going through that, "Why me God? What if they don't listen? What if I let them down? What if I let You down?" 
“ Ah, Lord GOD! Behold, I cannot speak, for I am a youth.” (Jeremiah 1:6) I just couldn't understand what God wanted with me and why he wouldn't leave me alone. So I began to seek God. I prayed and prayed and prayed. And to me that got old because I didn't exactly know what I was praying for. This was around my senior year of high school. My Pastor, Mary Wilson asked the seniors where we wanted to go to school. At the time I had dreams of going to Johnson C. Smith in Charlotte. She looked at me and said, "No you need to stay home. YOU need to stay under the covering. YOU are different from everybody else. YOU can't go off like everybody else." In my mind I was like, "Now what is so different about me that I have to stay in Jacksonville?" So another Sunday she asked me, "So where have you decided to go for school?" My mind had changed I was now interested in Benedict College in Columbia SC. She shook her head, "No you need to go and apply for UNF and stay home. You have a call on your life. You can't leave." 
 That Sunday I spoke in tongues for the very first time. Once I started I couldn't stop. I laid there what felt like all day on the alter with my Pastor to my right and my mother to my left. I kept having these encounters with God, in church, at home, EVERYWHERE. I would wake up in the middle of the night feeling a pain. Not a physical pain, more of a  spiritual pain. I would pray and cry and pray and cry, then the pain would go away. 
 One day I got tired of running. My spirit was tired of being apart of the world so I got more into church. When I had preached my first sermon, I had had a taste of the Word and I wanted more. I began to go to Minister's in Training classes on Saturday's and even Women Ministry. That lasted about a good month. Then back to the world I went. I graduated and enrolled in Santa Fe College in Gainesville, Fl. My Pastor told me that Gainesville wasn't far and that I could come home whenever I liked. And I did. I hated Gainesville, and everything about it and I was miserable. When I would come home my Pastor told me, "You want to come home willingly, because if God has to bring you back it won't be anything good." I was always told that you never want God to pull you because that is a fight you won't win. I wrestled with God for about 4 years until I finally realized I need to come home and let God have control of my life. 
 January 1, 2012, I was in church and it was a young girl to me left leaning over with her face in her hands. My mother told me to go pray for her. It was one of those days where my flesh just wanted to sit back and enjoy service. So my response to her was, "There's nothing wrong with her. She's asleep." She gave me one of those looks like, "Go Minister to Her." So I went. She was a young girl, 17 years-old.  I began to pray for her. Not just any prayer. I began to tell her some of the things that I went through the hardships I felt. Everything! I told her if she needed anybody I was there, if anybody understood her, I understood. Then they called me and another young lady up to the front to pray for other young girls. After we were done they prayed for us.  I began to shake and cry and I felt things I had never felt before. I still remember the things that Ms. Bridgette said to me, "You will be a woman of God. A mighty Prophetess. Your footsteps are now aligned with the word of God." And then it dawned on me how can I be there for those young girls if I'm not there? How can I do the will of God and not be in the house of God? That day I started off 2012 with the decision to come back home. I was tired of running and I realized that it was people depending on me. I was called to be A Mighty Prophetess for the Lord. I am Young, Saved, and very much Anointed. A Modern Day Jeremiah.