Should Old Aquantience Be Forgot...

 I guess the old saying is true: The older you get the faster the years seem to fly! I can not believe that 2012 is coming to an end. I don't know where the time went all. I know is that its December 31st and I have some recapping to do.
 For starters let me just say that I can not even remember where I was, who I was with, or what I was doing to bring in 2012 (lol). I have text so many people and asked, "Hey, was I with you to bring in 2012?" and all of my close friends replied, "No". Honestly, I was probably in the bed because if I wasn't at church I have no idea where I could've been.
 I have learned so much this year. I've had many cries, many laughs, many moments where I cried out to God because I didn't know how to go on, and the list goes on and on. I can truly say that I am nothing without God. I have learned so much about myself through God. He opened my eyes to things that were right in front of me but because I had no desire to know the truth I was forever in the shadows of lies.
 I'd have to say one of the most important things that I've learned is how to be content. Philippians 4:11 states, " Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am in to be content:" Now this may seem like an easy task to some people but this was one of the hardest things for me. When I was younger I struggled with low self esteem. I was overweight and I didn't find myself to be beautiful at all. The older I got it kinda faded away but every now and again it would come back. When it did come back I would feel so depressed. I felt like I needed other people to make me happy, or to validate that I was beautiful. I was tired of feeling ths way. I knew that the only way I could learn to love myself was by asking God to help me and He did. Until you make peace with who you are, you will never be content with what you have!
 Another lesson that I learned is: Letting Go
 I never realized how many situations I was actually holding on to until I started really talking to God. Not just praying but I mean having full conversations with Him. When our relationship started getting stronger the walls started coming down. I felt like I was breathing for the very first time. I saw things in a whole new light. I didn't know how much forgiving someone was beneficial to my growth. Once I forgave I was able to move on and close chapters that I thought I had dealt with months ago. A little thing I learned to tell if you have really moved on from a situation is how you feel when someone brings it up. If you get that little tingle in your stomach and you feel like you're gonna be sick, you haven't released it. That's what I was doing with so many situations that I was in. I would tell myself that I was over it but still have an uneasy feeling inside. If you cant wish that person well then you have not moved on.
  Once I began to let go, God started to open so many door for me and brought into my life so many people of purpose.
 I know a lot of people are saying, "I'm not changing. Ima be the same me I was in 2012." Yeah all that is good or whatever but I don't want to be same the person I was in 2012. I want to be better. So I'm not going to make any resolutions (seeing as half of them won't get done lol) I am making Declarations.

I Declare that I will:

1. Always Keep God First
2. Be a better Woman of God.
3. hear from God clearer
4. live my life in a way that is pleasing to Him
5. remain pure
6. priortize my time better
7. Stay focused!!
8. Drive more (lol)
9. Stick to my diet
10. Live a healthier lifestyle
11. Be more approachable
12. Dress classier
13. Make A's every semester

And this is just to name a few. I claim that 2013 will be my year! I am so ready for whatever God has planned for me. I pray that He continues to keep my family, my pastors, and my close friends. 2012 definitely had its ups and down but God saw me through it all. I made it to see 20 years old! Two Decades (lol) I look forward to the journey that we are on. I'm ready for the ride!!

 Have a blessed and safe New Years!! See you in 2013!

~Zanda

Check out some memorable moments of 2012

Update!!

Hey Everybody!!
 So much has been going on, a lot of changes. I have been really busy with school and just with life in general. God has of course been blowing my mind. He is beginning to show me so many things. Our relationship is constantly growing deeper and deeper. I have missed writing terribly. I know that I must do better at prioritizing and making sure I put writing in the mix somewhere. So many people have asked me am I still writing, I mean like people I never thought would read my blog. They'd be surprised to hear me say, "No." I then realized that this is not something that I can slack on because God gave me this platform and I must continue to do what He has placed on my heart to do.
 So enough with that let me give you guys the run down on my life (lol)

On School....
  I finished my first semester of college since I've been back home!! (Whoop Whoop lol!) I must say that I actually like FSCJ as far as classes go. After many talks and seeking God I have FINALLY (everybody say Finally) decided on a major: Business Management! Let me tell y'all I went back and forth through so many majors because I like well I want to do a lot of things, but God stepped in and even though I hate math (lol) I trust God and I know He isn't leading me in the wrong direction. So needless to say I will be at many tutoring sessions. I plan on staying at FSCJ until I receive enough credits to transfer. The college I plan on transferring to, well you'll just have to stay tuned :).

 On Family...
 My family is doing a lot better. November 27, 2012 my great grandfather passed away from Parkinson's Disease. For those of you who don't know what that is here's a link: http://www.pdf.org/en/about_pd?gclid=CM-c393oorQCFQu0nQodeikAXg . Even though we knew what the ending outcome would be, it still hurts to actually face it. He and my great grandmother were married for 64 years! That is a long time to share your life with someone. We all still have our moments but we know that he is with God now where he doesn't have to suffer or hurt anymore.

 My Love Life.....
 That sounds so funny to say. Well.... lol I don't really know what to say. Out of no where God sent me the person that He set me aside for. I mean letting God have full control has been the best thing I've ever done. He gave me what I least expected and turned it into something beautiful. His name is Jerrod by the way.  I don't wanna give away too much because I will be doing an entry on Christian Dating and our full story will be in there. So far its been great though. I am truly blessed, thankful, and humble. God did His thang as always lol.


 Well that's all I can think of right now. I hope everyone is having a wonderful night and continue to keep God first. Stay tuned for upcoming post!!

 Love, Zanda

Here are some pictures!!

 Me on a "Natural" Hair day 

 My mother & I on thanksgiving 

 My Best Friend Melisa 

 Me 12/17/2012

Us All Smiles 

Praise God that you bear that name!

I know what you're all thinking, two post I one day?? Lol Yes God is putting it on my heart to write so I'm writing. Tonight God placed it on my heart to read 1 Peter. The particular scripture that stood out to me was (1 Peter 4:16 NIV), "However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name."

Do no be ashamed or embarrassed of the fact that you are going through a test or trial. Continue to praise God through every situation or obstacle. You are a Christian and saying and living it is not going to stop the devil from attacking you. I am here to tell you that there is so much purpose for your pain. When We are going through a trial God is trying to teach us a lesson. God uses pain for purpose verses pleasure. God isn't allowing all these things to happen to us and Him leave us there. He is always with us.

So you maybe having a bad day, night, week, month whatever. Keep praising God! He hears you and He loves you like crazy. Sometimes I have to remind myself, "My God loves me so much that He will never leave me. So no I may not see the end of the road or purpose now but I trust God with my life and my whole heart. He got me."

Hope this helps somebody tonight that maybe going through.

Reality Check

So today, I happen to run across one of my follower's (on twitter) blog. He was talking about Christian girls attracting the wrong kind of guys and it really got me thinking, what kind of image are we as Christian young ladies portraying??
When I was, "in the world" I loved to wear my tight fitting clothes, I liked to talk to guys that were no good for me, engaging in activities that were definitely questionable considering I was "saved", I just felt like I had to be like the girls I saw on tv.

For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? (Matthew 16:26 NKJV).
When I fully decided to live my life for Christ I realized that my worldly lifestyle had to die. Boys would tell me all the time "Girl you are so Thick" or "You are fine" I realized that if I was going to be advertising my body by wearing tight clothes; how could I get mad when all he wanted to do was to have sex with me?? Or if I was at the club how could I get mad if a guy grabbed me? I'm the one in there stomping around with this little dress on. So I got rid of all the tight revealing clothing, stop hanging out with the wrong people, and deleted useless phone numbers out of my phone. I realized I had to practice what I preached. I want you to be attracted to the God in me rather than the physical assets He has blessed me with. (1 Peter 3:3-5) As Christian woman we have to realize that how we carry ourselves is everything. Just because we are in the world doesn't mean we have to be of the world. We are to be virtuous women (Proverbs 31). So yes, if you want a guy to respect you and not think of you as just some loose girl you need to:
1.) stop posting all these vulgar lyrics on twitter and Facebook.
2.) stop going out half naked and having to pull your clothes down every time you get up.
3.) stop posting half naked pictures on social networks (you are asking for Him to notice your "goodies" and not see you for the beautiful young lady God has made you to be)
4.) Stop going out and getting drunk! If you're out every weekend taking shot after shot, everybody is going to know you are a loud party girl that he can hit and soon forget (just being honest)
5.) This is a big one: Please, please, please, stop putting out all your sexual activities! Nobody needs to know what you do, who you do it with, and how good you do it! Leave something to the imagination.

Sisters, please know that I'm not fussing at you, I'm just tired of seeing some of us not knowing our worth.We have got to stop seeking approval from man. We she should live our life to please God and to seek His approval. I love you all and God loves you like crazy ! We are made in Gods image and we must represent Him well.


Love You All,

Zanda <3

My God is a Good God & This too Shall Pass!!

Good Morning!  Happy Thursday, one step closer to the weekend. Today we are going to Do a little something different. In bible study, my Pastor talked about watching what we say and how we say it. Did you know we have the authority to speak life or death over our situations? You can just be thinking out loud and say, "I know I'm not going to be able to do this. It seems like every time I try I fail." You just spoke into existence your own failure. Instead we have to speak life over the things that we want. God hears His children and if you are opening your mouth saying you can't, I'm a mess, I'm never going to be anything, this relationship is going nowhere; that's exactly where it's going NO WHERE! God will eventually give you everything you just spoke. But you think you're just venting; you don't even realize you just spoke your own destiny. Speak positive things into your atmosphere and watch things shift! So your task for this weekend is to NOT say anything negative! Lol. Instead when the devil tries to come at you or things don't seem to go your way you are going to say, "My God is a good God and this too shall pass." And watch your stress, anxiety, your whole situation gets better. I'm serious this is the task and I will check to see how it went lol. Remember Proverbs 15:4 says, "A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, But perverseness in it breaks the spirit."  Have a Great Day and Good Luck <3 

I Will Wait for You

Okay, you guys know whenever I come across something GREAT I have to share it with you. As you all know I am apart of Pinky Promise,( if you don't know what that is check my entries below) so I am all for saving yourself for marriage and being pure. Well, one of my Pinky Promise Sister; Kourtnea, shared this poem with us as a discussion. I didn't read it right away . I came across it again and it blew my mind!! I know I watched that video a thousand times the first night!
The poem is called, "I will wait for you" by P4CM Official Poet Janette...ikz. When I say I love it, I love this poem. It inspires me so much. It gave me that little push saying, "Yes God I will continue to wait for what You have for me."

Some of the parts that stayed with me: "And I will know you because when you speak I will be reminded of Solomon's wisdom, Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses, Your faith will remind me of Abraham, Your confidence in Gods word will remind me of Daniel, Your inspiration will remind me of Paul, Your heart for God will remind me of David, Your attention to detail will remind me of Noah, Your integrity will remind me of Joseph and your ability to abandon your own will remind me of the disciples. But your ability to love selflessly and unconditionally will remind me of Christ!"

I love that!!! That's how the person that God has for me should be! That's the standard right there. But she didn't leave herself out:

"You will find me where the boldness of Esther meets the warm, closeness of Ruth. Where the hospitality of Lydia is aligned with the submission of Mary which is engulfed in the tears of a praying Hannah. I will be the one... drenched in Proverbs 31. Waiting for you."

When I heard her say that I was like this is deep. I need to pull out my bible and read about all these women because how can I expect for God to send me somebody like the above if I'm not even have half the knowledge of what the bible says a woman of God should be?? So just as I require much, much is required of me as well.

Heres the link for the poem. I really hope you enjoy it, tell me what you think.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igCj3jsbcqs&feature=youtube_gdata_player



Love, Zanda

Be Content!

Good Morning! As I spend time with God He gives me my scripture for the day. So I thought why not share them with you guys!
  Today's scripture comes from Philippians 4:11, "Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content." I love this scripture! If you don't already know I have a major issue with control and sometimes I want things to go faster than they are going or I immediately want things to go my way. How many of you watch reality tv (La La, Toya, Tiny & TI) any show that falls along those lines. Anyway, how many of you have see them and are like, "God I wish I had a life like theirs. I wish I had money like theirs.(this is my favorite one) I wish I had a relationship like theirs." I am sooooo guilty of this. We have got to realize that we need to be content and thankful for the state that we are in. We don't know what goes on behind closed doors in those peoples lives. We don't see their struggles or even how they got all this money.We can not rush God. Cause let me tell you something I rushed God, prayed and prayed for something and when He gave it to me(cause God gives us what we ask for) I had no peace at ALL!! I should've been content with the things and the life I had. Stop trying to have God alter your life on the things you want than what you need. God is a provider and He knows your hearts every desire! CALM DOWN! In due time when you're ready God will give it to you. And trust me Gods time is better than mans time.

Something New ;)

Hey Everyone I'm back!! And this time for good. I took some time off to do research. It's my desire to reach people in my generation and bring them closer to God. I prayed about it and God gave me an answer. So be expecting some new things to come. I plan on doing vlogs, interviews, giveaways, I mean I really want to get you all involved. I believe that people learn more when it's coming from someone who's been through it and interaction and I can definitely do that for you all. As you can see I'm very excited! Me writing and you all reading was fine, but I'm not going to limit or put God in a box. He wants to do BIGGER &GREATER! So If you have any suggestions on what you would like to see, comments, whatever please comment below!  -Signed A Very Excited Zanda (lol) 

My Life is Not My Own

Just when I thought I was going to sleep God placed it on my heart to write; excuse me if I make any errors lol.
But I was just sitting here thinking about God. How faithful he is and how much I adore him. How grateful I am to have a relationship with him; to grow in him each day. God you are just awesome!! I really can not imagine where I'd be if it had not been for God! People ask me all the time, "Don't you feel like you're missing out on being a teenager or being normal?" My response is always, "What was I doing with my life before that I couldn't live for God?". Can I be honest with y'all, I mean really honest? What am I really missing out on? Yes, there were things I had to give up, but it was things I could do without.
Clubbing: I never liked the club. I hate to be grabbed on, felt on, rubbed on; all that. I came to the club looking good, hair all done, but I'm leaving a mess!! It's hot. I'm only 19 it wasn't like I could buy drinks (though it didn't stop me from drinking. Come on let's tell the truth).
Friendships/Relationships: at first I was really sad when people I considered to be friends left my life. But I didn't realize God was really looking out for me. Iron sharpens iron and truthfully some of those friendships were just as dull as when they first began. Same with relationships. I know what is pleasing to God; that mess had to go.
Even sex! Yes I said it. I talk about this more in my book but; the only place the devil could attack me was through sex. All that other stuff; giving that up was easy compared to that. I wanted love. I felt like that was the only place I felt love: WRONG! Let me tell you something, the love I received from God Is better than anything I've ever felt before. People don't realize that Gods love is unconditional. It doesn't fail.
This was by far the hardest thing and I'm still working on this: CONTROL! I have major control issues; I like to be in charge. I ran away from the call i had on my life for 4 years because I wanted to do it in my own time. I wanted to stay in school because at that time I felt like that was the place I was suppose to be. I went to Gainesville without even consulting with God! And I begged God to take me away from Gainesville too, I had no peace. I tried to give God control in doses lol. I would not fully let him have his way. But let me tell y'all, it only took me one incident. February 28,2012 my hair fell out!! And when I say fell out I mean I was literally putting my hands in my head and when I pulled my hand out, I had a clump of hair in my hands. You wouldn't know if I hadn't told you that my hair fell out, but I knew. It was as if God was saying, "Since you like to be in control so much fix this?" And you know what, I couldn't. That day I told God, "You Got It!" lol. I can laugh now, but that day I was in shock!
I say all this to say point blank period: I Thank God! Do not let a tragic incident take place in your life or wait until you get a certain age to live your life for Christ! Give your life today. Let's do this thing for real! God is so faithful to us. We follow people all day long on twitter, but we can't follow Him. Have pointless relationships but can't start a relationship with Him. Text and run our mouth all day long but can't take the time out in our "busy" lives and say to God "Thank You". Everyday that I have breath I am going to serve Him! God wants all of us. And to be honest who else deserves to have our life but Him? After all, our life isn't our own.

Test & Trials Come to Make Me Strong

 Hey everybody I have to tell you about my latest experience. It was beyond crazy to say the least lol. Tuesday, my mother and I  had prophetic training (it was really good). We were learning about prophetic ministry and we got on the topic of deliverance and how if you don't guard yourself going in the spirits will read you like a book. They will begin to tell you things about yourself , personal stuff, or even things you never even knew. So you know the Devil wasted no time testing me.
 On the way home we picked up a friend of the family, and lets just say he had been sipping on a little something other than water. I mean, I'm sure most of you all have been around drunk people before. He would not sit back, he talked the whole ride and cursed like it was nobody's business! I was like "God, please please cover us. Whatever that  is consumed inside of him; I ask that you protect us."  As if that wasn't enough, he began to speak to me. He said, "What are you going to do with your life? Are you going to get a job? Go back to school? " I'm sitting in the front seat with the craziest look on my face because though he knew some aspects about me; he did not know me. So much was going through my mind. I said, "I am doing something with my life." His response, "Well what is it?" Me: "I don't feel like I need to share it with you. You wouldn't understand." So I'm thinking that that would end the conversation. WRONG. But the next thing he said, at that moment I knew I was no longer having a conversation with the person; the spirit was speaking. He said, "So you think I won't understand? Are you that  religious and saved? You not even 25 yet. You haven't even lived your life yet! All you do is sit around and be on the computer all day." In my mind I'm thinking God I'm about to lose it. This man doesn't know me from a can of paint and he thinks he can just come up in here and tell me about my life! I was really mad. But you know what I quickly realized that I'm not going to let him tempt me like this. So I took a deep breath and said, "Well I'm sorry that you assumed that that was all that I do all day, but I don't." And I left it at that. You all don't know how happy my mother and I was for him to get out of the car! I mean we sped off!
 What amazes me about the whole situation is, "why do people think that its a specific age you're supposed to be when you get saved or lived a saved lifestyle?" Is 25 that age where you're supposed to say to the Lord, "Hey God its me. I know you kept me all these years of my life. But today on my 25th birthday, I want to start living for you. Please forgive me of my sins and wild teenage years that I clubbed, had sex, did drugs, just ran rampant around the city. Let's get this thing right."? I don't know about you but I know every time I turn on the TV teens are getting killed left and right. Children younger than me are being gunned down. And last time I checked HIV/AIDS are REAL. I thank God for keeping me these 19 years of my life. So I don't care how young people may think I am; I am well aware of the things that's going on in the world. I have grasped the concept. I had my time, but now, everyday that God has allowed me to see, I chose to live for Him. This joy that I have, the world didn't give it to me and the world can't take it away. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. Since day one God has filled me up with so much more than any worldly thing I could even imagine. Nobody or nothing can get me to turn my back on God. So here I am Lord, a young 19. Let's continue to do this thing right!

At Last

Hello Everyone!
I know you all are wondering why I haven't been blogging lately. I'm here to tell you that the book is complete! Yes God has given me the words and I have poured out my heart and soul on to these pages.
So the next step is to edit and hopefully someone will want to publish it. It is my prayer that these words and my experiences will inspire you to begin or continue your walk with God! I know this is not the end for me, I know God has just begun to take me on this journey! I am excited! As long as there is breath in my body, movement in my hands, and I still have my voice I am going to do whatever it is that God has for me to do!

I Pinky Promise

So today I FINALLY got my pinky promise bracelet in the mail!! What is that you may ask?? I will certainly tell you. A lady by the name of Heather Lindsey is the founder of "Pinky Promise". Pinky Promise is "a promise to honor God with your body. To refuse to give your body to anyone that hasn't paid the price for you called marriage. It's a promise to stay pure before God in EVERY single way. It's a promise that says, 'I won't test the boundaries in my relationship to see how far I can push it sexually- but instead I want God to have my heart'" !
And I just love that! And as a single christian I think it's important to stay pure to God regardless if you have had sex before or not. God does forgive if we repent of our sins. He is the God of the second chance! I for one am practicing Secondary Virginity. If you don't know what that Is I'll be glad to explain. Someone who practices Secondary virginity is someone who has had sex outside of marriage previously, but now chooses a life of purity. Although virginity was lost to the person they had sex with; they choose now to be sexually pure.
Like I told you guys before I'm going to be honest and let you in on my mistakes because by me sharing hopefully someone who is reading wont feel alone. My mistake is that I had sex way earlier than I should. Way before I could understand and realize how precious losing my virginity would've been had I waited until I was married. But now that I am older and wiser (lol) I will not make the same mistakes that I made in my younger years. So I'm taking the steps to ensure that until God has given me a husband, I will stay pure and true to him. He has my heart. I thank God for his grace and forgiveness.
I know I have gone on a rant lol but if you are interested in the Pinky Promise Movement I'll give you her information:
Store: http://heatherlove.bigcartel.com
She also blogs and her entries are a blessing:
http://heatherllindsey.blogspot.com
So yes I support and I am rocking my bracelet & will be getting a shirt very soon

Pictures below are my bracelet, me and my Monmy's, and my promise
<3

Songs of Praise

Ok y'all know when I hear something I have share it with you guys! I am just in love with Mali Music and his music lol. His message, I mean God is really using him to do something great! I have to thank my friend Donte because he did introduce me BACK to his music. And I'm glad he did.
My two favorite songs happen to be Yahwah, Be Praised and All I have to give! Both are on repeat lol
I wish I was going to Boston this weekend instead of Orlando because I really want to see him perform! If you haven't already you all should really check out his music and if you know of any other artist you think I might be interested in please send it!!

God is STILL in Control!

Its been a while since I have written ANYTHING! The devil really has a way with trying to stop what the Lord has already ordained to happen. the past week was like a really hard week for me. Forget week the whole month of February has been nothing but a big battle! The devil really tried to take me out with things that were familiar to me. I mean he really had me to the point where I was defeated! I was depressed I mean I felt so much pain I didn't want to deal with anything anymore. I had stopped writing I mean I was at my lowest on my worse day. I felt out of place knowing I was in the right place. I was second guessing the calling that God placed on my life! It was bad y'all.
But I thank God for being the amazing loving Father that he is because as soon as I stepped in Life Changers Christian Fellowship today, I knew that I would not leave the same!
I do believe I was delivered today. It was like God shook me and said, "Do you not believe that I am in control? Have I given you these gifts for you to sit on? Am I not the same God who when I am around the enemy must flee? I chose you because I know your past. I see the good in you. The people around you trust the God in you, when will you?"
I mean no words can describe the feeling the presence of God. In church she read Isaiah 43:18-21 over and over and over! And I lost it! I mean I shouted and flowed in the holy spirit what seemed like hours! The whole church was shouting and in worship!
Afterwards my lips were tingling and my hands were shaking I felt like I had gone through deliverance, and that's exactly what happened. When I told my mother about my hands and lips she told me that my lips were speaking a fresh new word and my hands were creating new things! I lifted my hands and received that! I feel so free. God is so good! I can not thank him enough!
I want to apologize to all of you for me stepping out but I promise I will not step out of place again! For God has done a new thing in my life and I can not sit on it any longer

A Heart That Forgives

I never fully understood the statement, "Forgiveness isn't for the other person; it's for you" until just now. I was walking with my mother and we were talking about a particular incident that happened to me; and I begin to think, a couple of months ago I would've never imagined forgiving them.
But I am so grateful that God had delivered me from that burden. We don't realize that when we hold on to things and hurts from the past, it takes a toll on us physically and spiritually. I mean I was always sad and angry. I had so much anxiety. I was living, always thinking, "Oh God what is going to happen to me next?" But I had to let that mess go. I didn't want to live my life in fear anymore.
The moment I forgave and let go (that's the step that we all seem to skip) I feel like a new person. People look at me and they can tell that there is something new about me! I am at peace, I really am. January was such an overwhelming month for me, but it was all worth it! God has been so good to me!

A Piece From "Building A Relationship With God"

 Hello Everybody! I know it has been a minute since I lasted post but fear not! I have not stopped blogging. God has brought in a new venture, I am writing a book!! I am really excited to share with you all a piece of what I have written so far. I hope you like it and I pray you're inspired by it.

 Most of us believe we know what’s best for us. We know how to do everything. Don’t believe me? I have the perfect analogy.

  Its like trying to put a bike together. You think just because you’ve seen a bike before and rode one; you know how to put one together. So you throw the directions to the side. You began to put this bike together. You’re shoving together parts because they “look” like they are in the right place. You finally get the bike standing and you try to ride it. You take a stroll around the block and the whole thing falls apart. You get frustrated but you continue to put this bike together. You ask people what they think about the model of the bike and if they have any suggestions. You try and ride the bike a second time and it falls apart yet again. Now you’re really mad. You feel like nobody knows what they are talking about, only you know what’s best for you and *your* bike. You put the bike together for a third time and you are faced with the same results. The bike is in front of you in pieces. You’re upset because you have put your all into this. You FINALLY decide that you should look back at the direction. You realize that you started putting the bike together all wrong. You had the wrong screws, the front tire was supposed to be in the back; you just realize that you had no idea what you were doing in the first place. But because you *thought* you knew you jumped in and ruined a perfectly good bike and wasted a bunch of time and effort.

 It’s the same way with God. God has all the directions all the answer that we need but because we feel like we *know everything*...we don’t have to go back and ask him; “God, is this your plan for me? Am I even ready to do this? God how do I even do this?” Then we wonder why it won’t work. We sit there and ask God to mend and fix a mess we made, a mess that could have been avoided. Hebrews 13:5 (NKJV) says, “Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’”  So why do we think that God will lead us in the wrong direction? We as Christians are so busy trying to be a friend to God and have God as our friend and we aren’t even qualified to call ourselves that. We aren’t even on that level with God. 

Change My Identity

My favorite song at the moment is Identity by James Fortune & Fiya. The words of that song is my testimony. My favorite part is when they make it personal,
"Oh Lord this is me. I'm asking you to please, change my identity. I wannabe more like you. I'm asking you to please, change my identity."
I want God to change my identity so I can be like his own image. I love this song!!

And Then There Was None

Sometimes the people that you really can't imagine your life without, are the main ones God is trying to pull you way from.

My Prayer to God

 God I thank you for everything you are doing and have done in my life. I know You aren't done with me yet but I am praising you for where I am today. Even though I had to let things go and You had to remove some people and things out of my life I am grateful! Thank you God for choosing me to do your will. With you God I know ALL things are possible. No matter the obstacles that may come my way I am going to stand firm on your word. Thank you God for forgiving me. Thank you God for being there for me. Thank you God for being my protection. My healer. Thank you God for being my EVERYTHING!! God, you don't make any mistakes. I know everything in my life from this day forward has purpose. 2012 is that year :)

Encouraging Words

Today I gave my testimony in front of my church. It felt good to get out my story. It even touched some people who had similar stories to mine. Whenever I talk about God my skin gets warm sometimes I literally think I'm " on fire for the Lord." lol
My Pastor talked about how she read my blog and how it even encouraged her. I was almost taken aback because when I write they are my thoughts. The things that God puts on my heart to share. I guess I didn't actually think my words were that strong.
"Then the Lord reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, Now, I have put my words in your mouth. "( Jeremiah 1:9-10)
God has placed his words in my mouth and I am going to continue to write and spread his word.

Fulfilling My Purpose

My goodness the days seem to be flying by! I had no idea that it was Wednesday already. But today is bible study day and I'm excited. Over with youth we are reading First Samuel. I've been breaking it down and writing notes to make sure that everybody understands. Our youth leader asks two questions every time we are reading the bible, " What is God saying? How does it apply to me today?" So I want to be ready lol.
Today my Pastor texted me and told me to ask my mother to call her. I told her I would. So my mom calls me back to tell me,"Pastor said she read your blog and she just cried and cried and cried. She said it was really good and she wants you to give your testimony tonight." I was so happy and thankful that she took time out of her schedule to read. I haven't really told anybody at church yet that I write but I had intentions to tell them tonight, but it looks like somebody beat me to the punch lol.
My purpose is not to be praised or anything for what I write because I'm just doing what God said. But it does feel good to know that people take the time to read and is touched in some way. God is doing a great thing in my life. I'm so happy that He choose me. It's a wonderful feeling.

When God Calls You Higher..

Today was a pretty easy going day. I realized that God is moving me away from pretty much everybody. They told me that this walk that I would take is going to be a lonely one and at times I'm going to feel like I don't have any friends. And that's exactly how I feel right now. It's crazy because even though I feel lonely I don't have the desire to wanna talk to anybody or even be around anyone. But it just crossed my mind that, " I am really alone." with the exception of God of course.
I think the reason that I've come to terms with being alone is because I prayed this simple prayer, " God, I just wanna be ok. I just want to know that no matter where you take me, I just wanna be ok."
God hasn't let me down yet. I know he won't let me down. When you fully put your trust in God all the things that seem like they used to matter; they don't anymore. All the people that you thought you needed and wanted around; you don't even miss them. When God calls you higher you have to answer and go. This is one trip I'm taking that doesn't require any packing. God is supplying all my needs.

This Is Just A Test!

Since I've been doing what God wants of me I haven't questioned anything. When God told me to come home, I came home. When God told me to fast, I fast. I haven't questioned the will of God YET!
For someone to question the plan that God has for me, it just makes me mad! For so long I've been doing things my way, going to school, hanging out with whoever I want. And nobody questioned that. Now as soon as I get on track with God and do what HE wants people have the audacity to question that. "Well how long did God say you were supposed to wait until you go back to school? Did God give you a number? Well what are you gonna do? What do you do all day?"
"If you decide for God living life of God-worship l, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body"
-Matthew 6:25 MSG Bible

Last time I checked I am doing this walk because this is what God has ORDERED. God gave his only son as a SACRIFICE. So why can't I give God this? Why can't I give God control of my life? I have put my trust in God he will never leave me or forsake me! If I put my life in man's hand it will only be a disappointment.
Don't be concerned about what God is doing in my life, what are you asking him to do in yours?

Overwhelming Revelations!!

Today has been so on point for me! Since I've gotten my life back with Christ my life has been so much better!! Revelation! I thank God for everything he is doing with me and for me. 
 In bible study Wednesday my pastor told us to read the book of Hebrews and ask God for revelation. So I began to read and I asked God, I put my bible down and went to bed. And do you know the next day God,  with his marvelous self began to reveal all these things to me! 
 I'm such an emotional person (even though I try not to show) I wanted to just break down and cry and rejoice. Then one of my readers, Ms Tamara, told me that her daughter wanted to meet me and THAT was like the final straw. I was so overwhelmed I felt the tears  build up in my eyes lol the whole 9! It may not seem like much to some, but that just gave me confirmation that I am doing what I was called to do! God is so AWESOME!! This just goes to show you that the plan you had for your life is NOTHING compared to the plan that God has!! So S/O to Krystal because she doesn't know it but she has already been a blessing in my life! 

Young Fly & Saved

 I just got so excited at 1:26 am!! I just discovered Young Fly & Saved! YFS is "movement is a youth based min­istry designed to inspire, influ­ence and unite by bridg­ing the gap between the streets and the church through music, mis­sion and ministry."
 This is exactly what I need! This is the kind of people I need to be around! They just gave me a boost to continue to write and share my testimonies with you. Even if no one reads it I have a job to do and that is to spread God's word! I will not hide or be ashamed to show that I am on fire for God!! I am now apart of the movement!!

A Modern Day Jeremiah

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; 
      Before you were born I sanctified you; 
      I ordained you a prophet to the nations.” 
                Jeremiah 1:5 NKJV


Keeps playing over and over in my head. Sitting in Panera Bread I found myself drowning in my own thoughts. I asked my mother, "How come everybody else goes through this in their 20's and 30's? I'm only 19, why do I have to go through these things now? She replied, "Because God wants you to give that control that you love so much to Him." 
  When I was a little girl I had dreams of being a preacher or a missionary. Then I wanted to be a professional cheerleader, then a singer, actress, sports broadcaster, sports agent, and finally an entrepreneur (Talk about all over the place). I just wanted to be famous. I wanted my name to be in lights. I just knew that I was supposed to be somebody important! 
 When I was 12 years old at summer camp a minister came and he prophesied to me that, "With my voice I would touch thousands. I have a gift." Now this was in the time where I wanted to be a singer so I just knew I was going to be singing to a packed audience.
 That wasn't what God had planned for me either. When I was going to the 10th grade I started hanging out with some of the wrong people. You know when you're young you just wanna do what everybody around you is doing...go wherever they go, and say whatever they say. But at night when I lay in my bed, guilt would set in. I knew I shouldn't have been doing some of the things that I did but at the time I just wanted to be 15. I knew I was different. 
 When I started going to the church I attend now, "Life Changers Christian Fellowship", That was the first time I felt God. I knew he was there, I knew that I was supposed to be there. I joined that day. When I went up with my mother to join that was the first time anybody had ever prayed for me. You know you, you see it on TV when they pray for the people and they are immediately slain and fall to the ground, I didn't want that to be me. lol. So I had it made up in my mind that no matter how hard they prayed for me I wasn't going to fall. Just as I lifted my hands, I and hit the floor. I began to holler out and cry out to God. At that moment my spirit was stronger than my flesh. I guess we were just tired. And let me tell you, I still try and fix myself to say, "I'm not going in there and falling out today. I'm tired." Every time, I find myself laid right on out lol.
 The older I got the more it seemed like the will of God and the world was at a tug of war. I knew that God wanted me. I knew that I was suppose to lead teenagers and young girls to Him. But I didn't think I was ready. I was going through that, "Why me God? What if they don't listen? What if I let them down? What if I let You down?" 
“ Ah, Lord GOD! Behold, I cannot speak, for I am a youth.” (Jeremiah 1:6) I just couldn't understand what God wanted with me and why he wouldn't leave me alone. So I began to seek God. I prayed and prayed and prayed. And to me that got old because I didn't exactly know what I was praying for. This was around my senior year of high school. My Pastor, Mary Wilson asked the seniors where we wanted to go to school. At the time I had dreams of going to Johnson C. Smith in Charlotte. She looked at me and said, "No you need to stay home. YOU need to stay under the covering. YOU are different from everybody else. YOU can't go off like everybody else." In my mind I was like, "Now what is so different about me that I have to stay in Jacksonville?" So another Sunday she asked me, "So where have you decided to go for school?" My mind had changed I was now interested in Benedict College in Columbia SC. She shook her head, "No you need to go and apply for UNF and stay home. You have a call on your life. You can't leave." 
 That Sunday I spoke in tongues for the very first time. Once I started I couldn't stop. I laid there what felt like all day on the alter with my Pastor to my right and my mother to my left. I kept having these encounters with God, in church, at home, EVERYWHERE. I would wake up in the middle of the night feeling a pain. Not a physical pain, more of a  spiritual pain. I would pray and cry and pray and cry, then the pain would go away. 
 One day I got tired of running. My spirit was tired of being apart of the world so I got more into church. When I had preached my first sermon, I had had a taste of the Word and I wanted more. I began to go to Minister's in Training classes on Saturday's and even Women Ministry. That lasted about a good month. Then back to the world I went. I graduated and enrolled in Santa Fe College in Gainesville, Fl. My Pastor told me that Gainesville wasn't far and that I could come home whenever I liked. And I did. I hated Gainesville, and everything about it and I was miserable. When I would come home my Pastor told me, "You want to come home willingly, because if God has to bring you back it won't be anything good." I was always told that you never want God to pull you because that is a fight you won't win. I wrestled with God for about 4 years until I finally realized I need to come home and let God have control of my life. 
 January 1, 2012, I was in church and it was a young girl to me left leaning over with her face in her hands. My mother told me to go pray for her. It was one of those days where my flesh just wanted to sit back and enjoy service. So my response to her was, "There's nothing wrong with her. She's asleep." She gave me one of those looks like, "Go Minister to Her." So I went. She was a young girl, 17 years-old.  I began to pray for her. Not just any prayer. I began to tell her some of the things that I went through the hardships I felt. Everything! I told her if she needed anybody I was there, if anybody understood her, I understood. Then they called me and another young lady up to the front to pray for other young girls. After we were done they prayed for us.  I began to shake and cry and I felt things I had never felt before. I still remember the things that Ms. Bridgette said to me, "You will be a woman of God. A mighty Prophetess. Your footsteps are now aligned with the word of God." And then it dawned on me how can I be there for those young girls if I'm not there? How can I do the will of God and not be in the house of God? That day I started off 2012 with the decision to come back home. I was tired of running and I realized that it was people depending on me. I was called to be A Mighty Prophetess for the Lord. I am Young, Saved, and very much Anointed. A Modern Day Jeremiah.